Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me!
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze. Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Ahoy hoy?
…And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. Look out, Itchy! He's Irish! Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There's a New Mexico?
- When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
- Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2.
- When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. Slow down, Bart! My legs don't know how to be as long as yours. Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about!
- A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.
- Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
- Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.
Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman! I'll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
Hi. I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Some Confidence, Stupid!" Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about!
What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man? No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it. Bart, with $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You're from two different worlds… Oh, I've wasted my life.
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?
The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There's a New Mexico? "Thank the Lord"? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don't have a place within an organized religion.
I hope I didn't brain my damage. Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city! Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
Ahoy hoy? Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you're experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…
Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. Ahoy hoy? What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man? Dad didn't leave… When he comes back from the store, he's going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face!
The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… "Thank the Lord"? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don't have a place within an organized religion.